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Tux the Linux Penguin and Beastie the BSD Demon have been killed as part of the effort to prevent the spread of Foot-in-Mouth disease across England. Authorities are now seeking GNU, the gnu which is Tux's usual companion.
Tux, Beastie and GNU were on a walking tour of the English countryside yesterday when the farm they were passing through was quarantined upon finding Foot-in-Mouth present in several of the pigs. The English Minister of Agriculture ordered all animals on the farm destroyed and burned.
Tux and Beastie were briefly quarantined with the pigs and other animals on the farm. Reports say that they both protested against being treated like animals. Agriculture Agents were quick to point out that Tux was a penguin and thus an animal. He was shot soon thereafter and tossed onto the pyre.
Beastie presented a better case, "I am not an animal, I am a demon," he claimed. "I wear shoes, unlike the penguin and most other animals." He was shot for being an affront to the Church of England and tossed onto the pyre. Beastie, being from the lower planes of Hell, did not burn, and Agriculture Agents had to enlist the help of the Church to dispose of the body with holy water.
GNU escaped by running faster than the authorities' machines could follow, and is still free.
"The penguin burned up like a match...", stated Bill Wooden, a local farm hand, "...especially after we covered him with petrol, but the demon fizzled the entire evening. I am glad they called in the Church. The way his body twitched in the fire was creeping me out."
Farmer Bob Haywood, owner of the farm where the events took place, was greatly upset at the slaughter of his herd of pigs. He also, stated, "What's Linux? Where did the penguin come from?" David Bryne, English Sub-Minister of Agriculture for the region, stated: "If Penguins and Demons are spreading this horrible disease, then they will be dealt with as necessary!"
Word has spread of underground groups in England and through out the world of people who are said to worship the Penguin or the Demon. Most of them are unaware of the GNU. These groups are socialist in nature, with a "Gift-Culture", and with the connotation "User Groups", police suspect they may be violent drug addicts. English police are searching out the groups to see if they are purposely spreading Foot-in-Mouth in a drug induced outburst against society.
The original of this document was written by Donald Cowart and posted at segfault.org. The original is now no longer on that site, and I haven't been able to locate it. This version hacked by Richard Stallman and Greg Lehey.