In April 1975, Datamation published a number of humorous texts on software. I've unfortunately lost them—if anybody has a copy I can get my hands on, I'd be grateful. Here are some fragments of “A software ABC” that I have been able to remember.

C is for COBOL—
What a pity
It was written
By a committee.

N is the Noon. Much more than dreary night
The noontime hour sees rise the rotting dead
Who from their wooden cells go muttering forth.
Then will you hear them speak of ancient wrongs
Of projects cancelled, systems vague and strange
Of intricate enhancements ill designed
And long lost deadlines. Then also do they chart
Forgotten jobstreams flowing in the night
To since discarded listings. Men they curse
Who plucked procrustean schedules from the air
And then departed called to high estate
In distant companies long since forgot.
And rusted hardware, powered once again
By memory and misted rosy dream.
Delay lines fill and vacuum tubes warm up
And heroes (greater than the men we know)
Who never from their standards did depart
Stand forth among them calling them to war.
Then shall the living shudder and know fear
And tremble at the mutterings of the dead.
But hoary time, in envy lest these shades
Usurp the little space of them who breathe
Now moves the clock unto the hour of one
And sends them back to work till coffee-break.

Z is for zero, written so
That 0 cannot look like O
which stands for One. Alas for me
My programs map to binary.
No other reason need be sought
Why half my programs come to nought.